


The Kids Aren't Alright

by Assido_Mina



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But with less heroin, Developing Relationship, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Eventual Relationships, F/M, I watched Trainspotting recently and it gave me inspiration, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Mementos, POLYTHIEVES - Freeform, Polythieves (Persona 5), Recreational Drug Use, Relationships will be updated as they near, Teenage Rebellion, The rest of the PT will be involved, This is not necessarily the healthiest of things, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:02:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assido_Mina/pseuds/Assido_Mina
Summary: The world is a beautiful place, when your vision is blurred.At least that's what Akira has come to believe, taking to a bottle to ignore the looks that he gets in the hallway.What Ryuji thinks about when he's laying in bed with his leg twitching in memory.When Ann is standing on her empty balcony with a cigarette burning down to the base, wondering when anyone's going to come home.Three people who've done nothing wrong, but have had everything go wrong for them as punishment. What else is there to do other than huddle up together and ride the wave all the way down?Because if you're getting dragged down into destruction, why not have company?





	1. Leaving Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this story is named after an Offspring song.
> 
> Song is [ Leaving Hope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-GwX5x1cio), by Nine Inch Nails

“Please, state your name for the class.”

He stood up at the front, posture slouched and his hands in his pockets, even as his uniform was immaculately presented on his lithe frame. He very well may have been wearing the uniform the most correctly out of every other person in the classroom, but there was something in his eyes that none of the other students could get past.

And in any case, it didn’t change the fact that many of them knew quite a lot about him already.

“Akira Kurusu. Nice to meet you.”

The eyes that were roving over him were ones that he had become quite familiar with by now, though this was the first time that he was actually seeing any of them. You tend to recognize hostility easily when it’s something that you’ve gotten used to, the endless suspicion, the feeling as though just by existing you’re intruding on their right to live, regardless of what it is that you’re doing. In some ways he understood.

“You can take your seat… right over there.” Ms. Kawakami pointed to the desk at the edge of the room, in front of someone completely unremarkable and behind someone who immediately caught his eye, pale blond hair shining bright in a sea of black and brunette. “We look forward to having you with us Kurusu-kun.”

The short walk already gave him a taste of what was waiting for him, the not so silent jeers and the whispers about where he had come from, what crimes he had undoubtedly committed and what he was most certainly not innocent of, regardless of the fact that none of them had even so much as spoken to him before. He was used to it by now, it was how things had been for so long in his hometown, he’d just been hoping that he could have escaped it when he’d been forced to move to a completely different city.

But the stigma of probation was something that stuck with you even halfway across a country, there really was no escaping it.

The curious thing he found, in the dozens of whispered voices all criticizing him for some perceived slight or threat, was that his name wasn’t the only one coming up in conversation. It seemed that a pecking order had already been established before, and he was not the first person to end up on the bottom of it.

“Wonder how long till she tries to fuck him?”

“You know she’s already screwing a teacher right? A thug seems like fair game to her.”

“It’s gonna happen eventually anyway, she might as well get it over with now.”

He didn’t catch a name completely, it wouldn’t have done much good anyway, but with the way that she shrunk and scowled as he passed her by, the young woman sitting in front of him was absolutely the target of what ridicule wasn’t being thrown his way. How long she’d been putting up with it, and how much truth there _actually was_ to the accusations was unknown to him, but he wasn’t exactly in a position to comfort her at the moment. Even if he did she’d likely just get more scorn for it.

Eventually Ms. Kawakami managed to gain control over the class, with a sympathetic glance thrown their way that lasted all of half a second, though Akira was in no real mood to actually listen to anything that was being said in the lesson. His mind was further back, at events that were far out of his control now yet still felt as fresh as yesterday, all the lies and screaming and crying that had marked his journey up until this very moment. It was tempting to be angry, on some days far more than others, but for the most part he was just… tired, and seeing someone else in the same situation as he was just reinforced that.

If he could have he would have screamed, shouted, maybe even thrown something just to get all of them to stop talking about him like he was absolutely nothing for just a second, but he’d learned a long time ago that it was never going to get better like that, or at all, so the best thing that he could do was bite his tongue and tune them all out.

It was easier now that someone else was getting it too, much as that disgusted him to think.

 

By the time class was over they had more or less ceased speaking and started focusing on the lesson, but once the bell rung and Ms. Kawakami dismissed everyone the whispers started back up in earnest, almost like a collective exhale of air that they’d all been holding onto for far longer than they could bear. Both Akira and Ann seemed to have the same idea, pushing out their seats much harder than they should have, grabbing their bags from beside them and all but stomping their way out of the classroom. Their eyes met briefly as they passed each other by, an unsaid apology written clearly as they _knew_ that the talk about the two of them was only going to intensify, but at least they wouldn’t have to deal with it that day.

If students had already been so certain that she was going to sleep with him within two minutes of them seeing him, he was amazed to think of what they would be saying tomorrow.

Their paths broke off as she turned up the stairs heading towards the roof, while he descended to the ground floor, stepping to the vending machine as the students around it parted like the red sea. None of them wanted anything to do with him, but the fact that he was already so well known to everyone was very surprising, given that his record was supposed to be suppressed. That was the entire point behind him relocating to Tokyo, so he could serve out his probation in relative peace. So either the students were far more adept at sniffing out outsiders in their ranks, or someone in the know had ratted him out, but right now he had no additional energy left to care at all about any of that.

Right now he had a soda, and he had a destination, and come hell or high water he was going to reach it. All he had to do was not get distracted, by anyone or anything, not the students staring at him with open distrust as he passed them by, not the girls crowding around the PE teacher who seemed to be loving the attention, ignore all of them and his life would be a lot simpler.

Which of course meant that the three boys he saw crowding around another when he walked out behind the school was something that he should have just ignored, treated as completely not his problem, it would just be another complication in a long series of complications. But then he saw the jeering anger on the boys faces, the resigned look of almost sadness on their target, and he knew with a deep-seated frustration that he couldn’t just let him be left alone. Not like he had.

“Hey Ryuji,” The leader asked, hands in his pockets and slouched over almost lazily, “Heard you were still trying to practice back here, I thought your leg was still fucked?”

“Yeah Ryuji, it doesn’t matter how much you practice, it’s never gonna bring the team back.” The next boy, shorter than the other but with longer hair, reached forward and shoved him by the shoulder, bumping him against the wall of the school. “And who’s fault is that huh? Who’s the dumbass who screwed us all over?”

The boy, evidently named Ryuji, only sighed, looking down at his feet and saying, “I’m sorry ok? It was a dumb mistake but… if I knew how to make it up to you I would!”

“Shut up!” He shouted, thumping his fist into Ryuji’s stomach and forcing him to double over, the others joined in, throwing punches into his back and sides, one even sending an errant kick at what seemed to be his bad leg, dropping him to the ground in preparation for another assault. And that, Akira had decided, was enough.

“Hey,” He said, whistling at them like he was calling a dog, “Why don’t you cut it out?”

“Oh yeah?” The leader asked, turning around, “And who are y-”

He froze, as did the other two members with him, the anger and cockiness on their faces turning to one of cautious fear, like he was waving a knife and brandishing a back of tattoos at them. Just _what_ were they saying about him?

“We’re a little busy here,” The second said, dropping Ryuji from where he’d been holding him by his hair, “Why don’t you fuck off?”

“Why don’t I?” Akira smirked, placing his can down on the metal post next to him and shrugging his jacket off, making a show of rolling his sleeves up as he took a step towards them. If the rumors were already bad enough to make someone feel a flash of fear _on sight,_ then they could be handy to lean into for just a little while. “Who’s going to make me?”

They stood there like that for a moment, him looking as though he was ready to take on all three of them, and them trying to weigh the risks of trying to go for someone who had a record and was clearly open to violence. After enough time passed that he was worrying that he would actually get into a fight and get thrown out of school on his _first day,_ the leader just shrugged and pulled his friends along with a flick of his head, eyes not leaving Akira’s as he walked by and knocked his can off the post and onto the grass, the effect ruined by the relative lack of liquid that actually ended up escaping.

“Take care now,” Akira called after them, picking his jacket back up and dusting it off. Straightening the fabric and making sure there were no stains, he was about to leave and start his journey back home when he heard something behind him, realizing belatedly that Ryuji was still there and leaning against the wall.

“Thanks man,” Ryuji said, wiping at the corner of his mouth and breathing a sigh of relief, “You didn’t… you didn’t have to do that.”

Rather than answer, Akira just turned and walked away, leaving him there in confused silence as he watched his savior seemingly leave without a care. He was right, Akira _didn’t_ have to do that, but his eternal curse was that he would _always_ do that if he could. Given where it had put him before, he wasn’t looking forward to the fallout of this particular deed.

 

Shibuya was a maze, in more ways than one, but it was one that Akira was going to have to get used to if he was going to have any actual hope of getting to and from school with any sort of success. How exactly he had ended up walking into an alleyway and opening the door to an airsoft shop he had absolutely no clue, but there was something in it that almost called to him as he had passed by. Maybe he just wanted a new toy to play with on the mindless nights alone that he had in his new home, or maybe he just wanted to kill the time reading an instruction manual or two before he took the next train home, either way there was _something_ that he could do to make this little adventure worth it.

But as soon as he walked in and breathed the dusty air, saw the old wooden furniture and the low lighting, he felt as though he’d walked into some black market sex shop than a store meant for selling toys to children. And the man in the all black, tailored suit standing in front of the counter wasn’t lending him anymore confidence away from that conclusion.

“Come in, don’t touch anythin’ unless you wanna buy it.” The man behind the counter was dressed up in fatigues and leaning back in his chair, clearly mid-conversation with the suit when Akira had walked in. He spared Akira the briefest of glances before he went back to speaking to his acquaintance, their conversation hushed and secretive, obviously something that didn’t need to be heard by anyone else’s ears.

Unfortunately, Akira was a serial eavesdropper, so it came as no surprise to himself when he knelt down in front of the shelf closest to the two, inspecting each of the boxes while keeping his ears open to what was passing between the two of them.

“...this the one?”

“Yeah,” Fatigues whispered, “...prepared last night…should work…”

 _Should work?_ Akira thought to himself, _What the hell does that mean?_

“...bagged up here…” Fatigues slid the bag in front of him across the counter, flicking his head down at it. “Don’t be reckless.”

Akira made to stand, but with how old and mishapen the shelves were he misjudged exactly how far they were sticking out, thumping the top of his head against the underside of a hard piece of wood and jostling one of the boxes to the ground, hissing through his teeth and jumping to his feet. The sudden noise startled the two men at the front, Suit’s hand flicking over the bag and sending it sailing off the counter and sliding across the ground towards him.

“Oh shit…” Suit said, quickly stepping forward to pick up the bag only to be intercepted by an apologetic Akira.

“Sorry about that guys,” Akira said, kneeling down and reaching for the bag, “That was my fault, let me get thi-”

Whatever he’d been thinking the contents of the bag were going to be, he hadn’t expected to look down through the paper entrance to see the glinting metal of a pistol, the truth of what kind of conversation and deal was happening here suddenly _very_ clear.

“Oh,” He said, somewhat dumbly as he flicked his eyes up to look at the two of them, “I see.”

The bell dinged at the door, their eyes shooting over to the sudden guests who stared at them with just as much skepticism, badges plain on their chests and confidence set in their shoulders. _Cops,_ Akira thought, with no small amount of resignation, _Of course it’s cops._

“What’s going on in here?” The lead detective, a greying man in his mid-forties stepped forward, looking around the shop. “We got a tip that you were making illicit deals in here, care to explain yourself?”

“Hello officers,” Fatigues said, leaning back even further and kicking his feet up onto the counter, “No illicit deals going on here, just the regular kind. You’re more than welcome to search around the front if you want.”

Though the sudden announcement of confidence threw the two detectives off for a second, Akira and Suit couldn’t help but feel it was the opposite of what they needed right now. Especially since Akira was still on probation and holding what was very likely a live firearm intended for use in some kind of crime. No matter how he spun this it wouldn’t end in his favor at all.

The younger detective finally noticed him and Suit kneeling down around the package, flicking his chin at them and speaking up with a tone that was _very_ familiar to Akira, bullying, pompous, with a thick serving of entitlement. Not much unlike the people who had handled _his_ case. “Hey, what are you two doing? What’s in that bag?”

Somehow, against all semblance of good judgement, that question sparked something in Akira, something that said that whatever your dumbest idea is, now is the time to do it. Which was why, to Suit and Fatigues’ clear confusion, he picked up the bag and resealed the top, standing up straight only to shrug.

“Nothing, I just dropped my bag and he was helping me pick it up.” He nodded at Suit, who miraculously nodded back with only a second’s hesitation. “Thank you, I’ll be going now.”

He started walking towards the door, before turning around so that his back was to the two officers now scrutinizing him openly. “Oh, if there’s any problems with it, what would be a good time to come in tomorrow?” He winked, earning a fraction of a smirk from Fatigues. “Just in case I need some advice on how to fix things.”

“Two, tomorrow afternoon, I should be completely free then. If you want to come back, that’d be the time.” He looked over Akira’s shoulders, addressing the two officers, “Would you mind stepping out of the doorway? My customer needs to go home.”

The older detective stepped aside easily, though his suspicion was clear, but the younger detective didn’t budge. Rather, he took another step forward and reached for the package, coming just shy of actually grabbing it before Akira pulled it out of his reach. “Not so fast, what’s in that package huh?”

Akira narrowed his eyes, aware that he was edging into dangerous territory. “The product that I bought.”

“Oh yeah? So you wouldn’t mind if you opened it up and showed us?”

“Would you mind getting a warrant, Officer Stop And Search?” Akira pushed past him, slipping the package into his bag before it could be snatched away out of anger, quickening his pace to avoid anything _else_ being grabbed by a disrespected authority. Thankfully no outburst came, the two officers knew when to not try and push their bounds, especially when someone knew their rights, and Akira wasn’t who they had come to question that day anyway.

Which was how Akira ended up riding the train back to Yongen-Jaya, clutching his bag tight, almost hyperventilating at the thought of someone catching him with a live firearm in the middle of a public place. Combine that with the day that he’d had, the months leading up, and what he had to look forward to over the next few days, and he was just about a shaking ball of stress.

And in times of stress, he needed to unwind.

 

“Today marks the third time in as many months that an employee has died on the line at Okumura Foods, in what an investigator has deemed to be ‘a clear cut case of exhaustion’. Though CEO Kunikazu Okumura couldn’t be reached for comment, a spokesperson has told us that, quote, ‘This is just another unfortunate accident that has meant the loss of another valued employee, but the company is not at fault. We have it on good authority that this was not the only job that they were working’. When asked why the victim found it necessary to work additional jobs on top of this, we were told ‘no comment’.”

Sojiro shook his head at the television, wiping down the counter as the last customer left for the day. “You probably don’t know who they are, but Okumura Foods used to be a good company to work for. But now that the old CEO passed on and his son came in, well…” Tossing his rag underneath the counter and placing his hands on the polished wood, he sighed, “Things are changing so fast now, and I don’t know if it’s for the best. What do you think?”

Akira shrugged, focused on the sting of the hot water around his hands, cleaning off the last of the dishes before they could close up. “I think I’m pretty biased, but I don’t know if I like the changes I’ve experienced lately.”

“Hmm, no, I suppose you wouldn’t.” Sojiro looked like he wanted to say something more, but he settled for shrugging his shoulders. “I’m going to head home, do you think you’re alright to close everything down?”

The water was starting to burn, Akira completely lost in his own world staring at the wall until he realized that Sojiro had asked him a question. “Wha- yeah, yeah I can shut everything down, don’t worry.”

Staring at him with a strange look on his face, Sojiro gave it a second to see if he was really ok before he decided to give it a rest for the night. He was tired, Akira was tired, it was probably nothing. “Just don’t cause any trouble alright? If you need to go to the bathhouse make sure that everything is locked first.”

Akira just nodded, squeezing his hands in the towel and trying to sooth the faint scalds on his skin, waiting until he heard the sigh and the click of the door as Sojiro left, watching the news scroll by for a few more seconds before he turned the television off and set about putting everything away in its right place. He preferred silence for this part, allowing him to focus completely on the task at hand rather than thinking about why it was that he’d ended up here, that he’d had something outside of this once. From thinking that this wasn’t really his home, but then home wasn’t his home anymore anyway.

“Shut up,” He whispered to himself, just like every other time that his mind wandered like this, thoughts piling upon thoughts until he couldn’t even see clearly through the fog, each new one just another brick in the wall of his seemingly never ending stress. Akira hadn’t forgotten about the gun in his backpack upstairs, though he was trying hard to ignore it for the moment, along with the meeting that he was going to have with its owner tomorrow afternoon.

It was that last thought that finally broke his focus, making him cross the room and lock the front door, pulling down the small blinds and switching the lights off behind him. Taking the stairs two at a time, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest by the time he reached the small desk at the corner of his room, the half-empty bottle of vodka that he’d managed to stash away sitting undisturbed in the very back of the drawer welcoming him with open arms. It seemed like it didn’t matter where you went, there was always a store that didn’t bother looking at ID, so long as you weren’t in uniform.

It burned as it flowed down his throat, the taste enough to make him want to retch but worth it for the fuzz that it put in his mind, thoughts turning jumbled in a few minutes as he turned the bottle from half-empty to just plain empty, the bottle dangling between his fingertips as he sat quietly in his chair and kicked his legs idly. He would need a new bottle soon, but that was no real change from usual, it had gotten to be more of a habit than he’d initially intended when he’d first started, just a split second decision after he’d been let out on house arrest. His hometown might have been small, and everyone there may have been disgusted at him for now being a criminal, but you could count on the bottle store to lend a sympathetic ear. Or maybe they just figured that with his record and the fact that he was breaking house arrest to come and visit them that it didn’t really matter what they sold him, if they got caught doing it they could just pass the blame off onto him.

He’d spent a lot of money there before he’d been put on the train to Tokyo.

That had been a week ago, and already he could feel the time starting to get to him more and more as the days went by. Just one year, one year and his record would be expunged, and a chance for a normal life would once again be in his grasp.

Unless someone found out that he’d had one at all, or if they decided that they didn’t want to give him a second chance after all, maybe they wouldn’t trust him anyway just knowing that at one point in his life he’d been branded a criminal, no matter how many times he told them that he was innocent. Who could blame them really, if everyone was willing to condemn someone why would you put the effort in to defend them?

He understood, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to burn everything down sometimes.

When Akira lifted the bottle to his lips and drained the last few drops from the glass, he didn’t even realize at first that there were tears falling down his cheeks, wiping them away with the tip of his finger and looking down at it in confusion. But they weren’t stopping, even as the rest of him remained completely still without a sob, his eyes just wouldn’t stop leaking.

 _Just one more year,_ He thought, but when he looked up at the calendar he couldn’t help but laugh, bottle falling from his hands and clinking against the old wood floor, his back hitting the mattress and his arms winding around his stomach as he rolled over and shook with laughter. _One more year, and I’m only one week in._

He laughed as the tears stained the covers, until there was no more breath in his lungs or moisture left in his eyes, shuddering with the aftershocks of his brief moment of happiness and the swimming of his intoxication. And it was just like that, still fully clothed and with his head lost in the clouds, that he shut his eyes and passed right out.

 

Akira woke the next day with a moment of panic at leaving the bottle out in the open and a skull-piercing recognition of the hangover that he was already nursing, doubling him over as he sat up and leaving him pressing his face against his knees. Five minutes of pained groaning later and he stood up slowly, kicking the empty bottle underneath his bed and peeling off his damp shirt, reminding himself to soak in the bath house sometime today lest everyone he passed on the street smell the vodka dripping out of his pores. But for now a simple change of clothes would do while he got himself some breakfast, which given the hour was already half past twelve in the afternoon was just a little bit late.

“Oh you’re up,” Sojiro said, looking up from his newspaper when Akira stepped out of the bathroom, water freshly splashed on his face to clear up the fog, “There’s a bowl underneath the counter, go ahead and fill one up. Figured you’d already left when you didn’t come down at breakfast.”

“Just had a long night,” Akira replied, wincing as he slipped into his seat and bent himself over the bowl of curry, spooning every drop into his mouth and relishing the warmth that spread through his body. He had to admit, even if the hangovers weren’t great to deal with, it was quite possibly the best food to make the recovery with.

“Do you have anything to do today?” Sojiro asked, “Because if not I could always use more help around here.”

Akira shook his head, taking the bowl over to the sink and dipping it into the hot water. “I’ve… got to go see about a job today, I got a weird offer out of the blue so I figured I’d check it out.”

“Weird offer? It’s not one of those guys on the street corners is it?” His face was oddly serious, almost like concern rather than irritation. “Those never end well, I can tell you that for a fact.”

“No, no it’s not anything like that… I was just doing some shopping and I think they offered me a job, they told me to come in this afternoon at two. It’s worth a shot right?” Besides, he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t need the money. His funds had already been limited when he’d withdrawn them, and with his little habit picking up… he’d rather have a source of income sooner rather than later, after he'd wrapped up business and was hopefully still living he should look into some of the jobs around town.

Sojiro scratched the back of his neck, not having been expecting his ward to actually do something proactive like getting a job. In many ways he seemed to be a responsible young man, which made the fact that he’d been caught up in something so stupid all the more incredible. “Do you need a shirt or something? I might have something old that would fit.”

“Ah… no, I think I’m good,” Akira said, oddly touched by the gesture, “Thanks though. I should probably get going if I don’t want to miss the train.”

“Alright,” Sojiro said, taking the still wet bowl from his hands and grabbing a towel, “Go on, I can take care of that. Good… good luck with the job.”

Akira nodded, giving him a small smile even as it shook when he picked up his bag, remembering with a heavy lump in his throat what was sitting inside. “Let’s hope it doesn’t kill me.”

 

He’d forgotten to go to the bathhouse, which meant that the first impression that the owner of the gun was going to have of him was with a light dusting of vodka cologne, though given that they were dealing in weapons he doubted that they would judge him too harshly on drinking. Some of the people on the train had minded, but he was too frazzled by what he was walking into to be too considerate of that, he was under a lot of pressure right now, rather understandably.

But here he was standing in front of the airsoft store, the site of his strangely impulsive decision to aid and abet two criminals at best, and steal a firearm from them at worst. Well, no time like the present he supposed, pressing his hand against the door, taking a deep breath and pushing it inwards.

“Hello?” He called, seeing no one else in the store when he walked in, “Is anyone here?”

“That you kid?” Called that gruff voice, Fatigues’ head peeking around the corner with a small glare, “Come on back here, I’ve got something to ask you.”

Akira gulped, wishing that he had another bottle with him that he could drain just to make this easier, whatever _this_ was. Knowing that it was unwise to keep him waiting, he adjusted his bag on his shoulder and walked around the counter, stepping through the door to the backroom that Fatigues held open for him.

“So… what am I doing here?” He asked, taking note of the contents of the room. A desk, a chair, some shelves, a work bench, just an ordinary room, not a torture chamber or anything like that. Though the sound of the door locking behind him was doing him no favors. “What is this?”

Fatigues looked at him out of the corner of his eye, before pointing forward impatiently. “Go ahead and take a seat kid, Christ, I’m not asking you to step on plastic.”

“Why… why would you ask me to step on plastic?”

“Because…” His mouth hung open in anticipation of the rest of the sentence, before he realized that it was perhaps not the best thing to tell someone who was nervous. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not gonna hurt ya.”

Akira took his seat, keeping his feet squared against the ground in case he needed to take off quickly. Fatigues noticed, but he didn’t say anything about it. “Do you have something that belongs to me?”

The bag thumped against the floor, Akira’s shaky hands opening the zip and withdrawing the pistol with a careful hold, placing it on the table next to them and darting his eyes between the pistol and the man who owned it. “Is this all you wanted, uhhh, sir?”

“Hold on… and the name’s Iwai, don’t give me that sir crap.” Iwai picked up the pistol, ejecting the magazine and the round in the chamber, confirming Akira’s worst fears that he had been carrying a _loaded firearm around Tokyo._ “You didn’t mess around with this?”

“No! I’m not stupid, I know what guns can do!”

“Just asking.” Iwai took the slide off, inspecting all the little details before nodding in satisfaction. “Why’d you step in yesterday? You could have just handed the gun over to the cops and let them take it from there, why cover for us?”

“I… aside from the fact that one of you would probably have killed me?” Iwai nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. “I don’t really… like cops that much?”

“That was pretty clear, be careful about that by the way. Tokyo cops like beating up smartasses, doesn’t matter what the age is.” Sliding the pieces of the pistol away so that he could lean closer, he asked, “So you want a job?”

_Oh shit, this is actually a job interview._

“Uhh… that… depends on what the job is?”

Iwai tapped his fingers against the desk, before he nodded to himself. “Follow me.”

Stepping through another door in the back that led into a smaller room without windows, Akira was led to another work bench with a series of pistols laid out on top of it in various states of disassembly. Iwai picked up one of the slides, pointing at the end with his pointer finger. “You see this?”

He tossed the slide over to Akira, who caught it with a fumbling grip. There were scratches along the metal, though they were clearly by design rather than by accident. “What is this?”

“This is where I get rid of serial numbers, someone comes in, they have a hot item, I do my best to sell it. But if it’s a _gun_ then I’ve got to do a little more work to it first, make sure that it can’t connect back to anything else that it might have been used for before, you get me?”

“You… clean up everything? Make it like it’s new?”

“Better than new, I make sure that it’s untraceable and in top working condition, it’s a trade that I’m very proud of, even if it takes up more of my day than I’d like.” Taking the slide back, Iwai leaned against the bench and raised his eyebrow. “What do you say? You can keep your mouth shut, you don’t like the cops, you could probably use the money, this could be something that you’re good at.”

He _did_ need the money, but did he really want to be doing… _this_ to earn it? “How much money are we talking about?”

“I do a basic clean up job for about a hundred, hundred and fifty thousand yen. Anything more complicated starts taking the price up. I’ll give you twenty percent per job you complete.”

Now _that_ was tempting. But Akira couldn’t quite help himself. “Twenty five.”

Iwai huffed a breath, but he smirked nonetheless. “Fine, you got yourself a deal. You can start now.”

“Wait, _now?”_ Akira looked around, mouth flapping open to find something else to say, settling on a rather lacklustre, “Really?”

“You have anything else to do on a Sunday?” Iwai asked, waving him closer, “Come on it’ll be easy, I’ll show you how to take a gun apart and we’ll pick up the rest some other day.”

Running out of excuses to run away from what he supposed was now his new job, Akira sighed. He was still nursing a rather serious headache, but he could at least spare a few minutes before he asked for a glass of water, figuring that the sooner that he learned the basics the sooner he could start earning money.

“There you go,” Iwai said as Akira took his seat, sniffing lightly before grimacing, “Have you been drinking?”

“Why?” Akira asked, taking Iwai’s lead and pulling on a pair of latex gloves, “You gonna call the cops?”

He snorted, “Smartass.” Assembling one of the pistols and handing it over to Akira, he nodded and sat down next to him. “Now first off, make sure it’s unloaded. You should never mess around with a loaded firearm…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for checking out this story of mine, it's something that came to me very suddenly and that I'm very glad to be sharing :3
> 
> So the basic idea for this was that I was thinking about the characters, and at their heart they're a group of kids that are rejected or otherwise harmed by society and its expectations, and through mementos they find a way to find some level of acceptance within themselves and within their group (Obviously this is only one facet of the game).  
> But if you take away the way that they gain release and purpose within the canon, it stands to reason that they would try to find it through another outlet. And thus, here we are!
> 
> Probably sounds mad pretentious, but stick with it! I promise it'll be good :3  
> (Also parts of this were inspired by the visual novel Yume Miru Kusuri, which deals with some heavy topics and I recommend it!)
> 
> Oh and also also I'm gonna try and have most chapters named after a song, but I'm not putting as much serious thought into that lol, sometimes it'll just be a fitting title and a good song to listen to while you read :)


	2. Every Day Is Exactly The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is [Every Day Is Exactly The Same](https://youtu.be/-Aj9_8t1eQc) by Nine Inch Nails  
> (I'm already starting to regret trying to commit to this lol)

Just out on the street, walking past the alleyway without a hint of a thought as to what truly lay down it, Ryuji limped along rubbing at his swollen lip. He’d managed to protect his nose this time, and no one had made any swings for his leg, but that didn’t mean that his jaw was exactly thankful for the extra attention it had attracted in their stead. His stomach was still carrying bruises from the day before, a twinge acting up in his side with every movement he made, this just hadn’t been his week.

Everyone that saw him walking towards them on the street turned and moved out of his way, taking note of his busted lip and his dyed hair and guessing correctly that he’d been in a fight. As for who the victim was and who the aggressors were, they weren’t quite as accurate on that, an assumption that Ryuji had long gotten used to over the last year, enough that he could hardly notice how much it bugged him anymore. The bright side, he thought, was that at least now he didn’t have to shove himself through the crowds on the way home, though he did get almost get stopped by a passing cop before he jumped onto his train, ducking his head and sinking into the seat as far away from everyone else as he could, letting the true ache of his body rush into him all at once.

Luckily for him it had only been the second time that week, and truthfully it could really only be considered the first considering that someone had actually stepped in and stopped them yesterday. Ever since the events of a few months ago, when one impulsive reaction spurred on by a series of intentional actions, he’d more or less given up hope of anyone actually reaching out a helping hand to him in a time of need, yet he received just that yesterday, along with a heaping of questions that he was in no shape to try and find the answers to anytime soon.

God his leg was aching.

“Oi, you.” Ryuji looked up, already sighing to himself when he saw the man standing in front of him, arms crossed and crinkling the fabric of his hundred dollar suit. “You shouldn’t be sitting, give that seat to someone who needs it.”

“Come on man,” He said, voice so much weaker than he wanted it to be but he just couldn’t work up the will to resist anymore, “There’s tons of seats can you just… can you just go get another one?”

“I said-” His hand closed around Ryuji’s arm, pulling him over and sprawling him across the floor of the train. “-Get out of the goddamn seat!”

“Alright! Alright, fuck…” Ryuji pushed himself up onto his elbow, grimacing at the throb in his leg but pushing it out of his mind for the moment. “Fine, the seat’s yours, whatever.”

“Tsk,” The man clicked his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval, “Trash.”

Pushing himself shakily to his feet, seeing everyone else on the train either averting their eyes or actively looking at him with hostility, Ryuji made his way to the doors to await his exit. “Yeah,” He muttered to himself, “Maybe I am.”

 

“Ryuji? Is that you?”

Ryuji kicked off his shoes, grunting at the movement in his foot and frowning at the familiar voice. Much as he normally loved to hear it, it was  _ not _ the one that he wanted to be hearing right now, that would only spell disappointment. But better to let her know that he was here, and that she wasn’t about to be murdered by some stalker at least.

“Yeah mom, it’s… it’s me…” Pressing his finger to his lip and feeling it still sticky under his touch, he licked over the cut to try and sweep away some of the blood before he stepped out into the living room. “I’m gonna just… go to my room, I’m not feeling so good today.”

Mrs. Sakamoto looked up, eyebrows knitting together and her mouth dropping open slightly when she saw his face, standing up immediately to inspect what had been done to him. “Oh Ryuji… who did this to you?”

Closing his eyes at the feeling of her fingers brushing along his cheek, he allowed himself that one moment before he shook his head, stepping out of her reach and sighing, “It’s nothin’ mom, just… fell over at the station, you know? Don’t worry about it ok?”

She knew he was lying, how could she not? Every day that he came back was another day that he spent nursing another injury, and since the demise of the track team it was obvious that he wasn’t getting them during practice. But if he didn’t want to tell her… then the most she could think of offering was her support if he decided that he wanted it, which was why after a kiss to his forehead and a comforting hand on his shoulder she stepped to the side and let him pass, watching him with misty eyes the entire time until his door clicked shut behind them, separating them once again.

Ryuji let his back thud against the wall, hands scratching through his hair as he let himself just… decompress for a moment. He hated lying to his mother, knew that she could see right through to him as though he was standing on the other side of a window, but he just couldn’t help himself. How could he possibly tell her the truth of what was happening? What good could it do either of them for that part of his life to extend into hers, when he’s already done so much to make things difficult for her anyway? The thought of coming back here, having to face her again with a face full of bruises and the knowledge that it was all his fault… it was enough to make him wish that he didn’t come home ever again.

And that fucking  _ aching _ in his leg, like a thousand hornets all stinging into the muscle, it made him tense his jaw so hard it was a miracle that his teeth didn’t shatter. His hands dropped from his head to his thigh, massaging at the scars that had long since faded from everything but his touch, every moment of his fingers grazing over them filled with phantom memories of a wrenching and a screaming, before he let go entirely. That led down to a place that he very much did not want to go today, and he was determined to do whatever it took to take him away.

Walking over to his bed and dropping himself to sit on the edge, he leaned across to his side table and pulled out the drawer, perhaps a little rougher than he rightly should have. Scrambling inside with his hand half obscured by garbage and receipts, he finally found the little bottle of pills that he’d had on his mind ever since he’d left that morning, with the first tinge of pain in the shower.

Turning it over in his hand, thumb obscuring the last few letters of the label, he sighed and slumped over, fingers scratching over the lid and jostling the pills left inside. Every now and then he thought about throwing it away, the doctors had said that he wouldn’t have any use for them soon anyway, but then… then his leg would twitch, and  _ ache, _ and the memories would come right back again.

And that was as good a decision maker as any.

Twisting the cap off and shaking out two pills, he looked between them for a long moment before he reluctantly added a third, tossing them into the back of his throat and following it up with a mouthful of water, swallowing down the bitter taste of the OxyContin and chucking the empty bottle into the corner of his room. With care, as though he was taking care of a cherished pet, he recapped the bottle and placed it delicately into his drawer, before pushing it closed and collapsing back on his bed.

The effects weren’t felt at first, just as always, but soon enough the sharp edges of the pain started to dull to a throb, before that became nothing more than just an… unpleasant knocking on occasion, like a family member who he’d decided not to go and greet that day. He stared up at posters for movies and bands that he hadn’t listened to in years, a faint covering of dust making them seem old, antique, like something that fell out of a horror novel. Sometimes he felt like that’s what this room was, just another trap, but soon enough the pills always knocked him out of that way of thinking, just as they tended to knock him out of just about everything.

And it was like that that he fell asleep, dreaming of running, and waking up with tears running down his cheeks.

 

The morning was rough, just as they always were, dry mouth and the roughness of a half-hearted headache bouncing along the corners of his skull, allowing himself another of the precious pills before he got up for breakfast. He and his mother didn’t speak, both because she was exhausted from working nights to support them and because he couldn’t find it in himself to start talking, afraid of what he might tell her that would change things so completely. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything wrong, maybe he would just let them have a moment of happiness together, but it wasn’t a chance that he was going to take.

With two slices of toast in his stomach and half a cup of coffee chasing its way down, he stood and pressed his lips to her forehead, telling her how much he loved her and that he would be back that afternoon, returned as always with a hopeful smile and a hint of sadness in her eyes. It had been getting worse in the last few months, it used to be that he wouldn’t even notice it.

On the train he sat wedged between a drunk and a salaryman, neither of which were giving him the time of day for their own reasons, and he was grateful for it. He just wanted a moment to relax, to prepare himself for the rest of the day that was waiting ahead of him, and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else who had a problem with him. For someone so distinctive, almost by design, sometimes he just wanted to be ignored.

The drunk leaned forward and almost puked all over Ryuji’s shoes, and he decided that perhaps being noticed a little maybe wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Getting off at the station he looked around for familiar faces, and was pleased to see that there were none around. Familiar faces hadn’t equated to friendly faces for quite some time now, but he was still wondering about that mystery savior from a few days ago, and was surprised that he couldn’t see him anywhere. Why had he bothered to step in like that, when it would have taken no effort to just… walk away? Ryuji wouldn’t have blamed him, he’d heard the rumors for himself before he’d even stepped in through the front doors, so why would he invite more trouble on himself with the track team?

He certainly didn’t seem interested in explaining himself, considering that he had turned and left without so much as a word as soon as the track team had decided that they’d had their fun. There had been a wild look in his eye before they had, like he would have  _ welcomed _ the fight, and whether that was true or not it had certainly made an impression on Ryuji. Perhaps he was just playing the part of the damsel in distress better than he’d ever considered he would, or maybe he was just hoping to make a friend that knew how fucked up things were as much as he did. Either way, it didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon.

And then, through the crowds as the entrance to the school started to thin slightly, he saw that once familiar shock of pale blond hair, bobbing delicately in the wind with each step that she took. It had been a  _ very _ long time since either of them had spoken to each other, but with how miserable he’d been lately… maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to try and break the ice just a little bit.

“Hey, An-” He let his voice fizzle out, along with the smile that he’d let build at the idea, her feet carrying her at an almost ninety degree angle to march down a nearby alleyway, parallel to the school, near enough that she didn’t seem to be cutting, but isolated enough that it was clearly meant to be for privacy. A privacy that he didn’t have the intention of disturbing, whether it was for a moment alone, a meeting with friends, a boyfriend… it was something that didn’t need to have his input anytime soon.

So he stuck his head forward and kept walking towards the school, seeing a set of familiar faces waiting for him at the entrance, and with a kick of his toe against the filthy concrete at both his misfortune and his cowardice, he knew that his day was just getting started.

 

Nothing had happened just yet, but he knew it was just a matter of time until someone tried something, so he’d just focused on getting himself from class to class, and maybe finding somewhere isolated where he could actually eat his lunch for once. He’d never been successful, like he was constantly leaking blood for the sharks to find him, but maybe one day he’d find something.

Then finally the final bell had rung for the day, taking him out of his thoughts and making him stare up at the ceiling. He’d spent so long trying to think of somewhere to be that he’d completely forgotten to eat lunch at all, on the first day that he’d actually managed to have one that was undisturbed. 

“Whatever,” He spat out, already feeling his mood souring more. If it wasn’t one thing it was another, just the way things went. Marching through the hallway with a stormy enough look on his face that a number of students ended up getting out of his way, he forgot which classroom he was actually walking towards when he saw two familiar faces step out, though unlike that morning these ones actually filled him with a feeling of excitement, happiness even, a small spark of feeling that seemed to be almost white in an endless sea of grey. 

As for why they were leaving together he had no idea, but they didn’t seem to be doing any degree of talking, or even acknowledging the other’s presence, just walking towards the entrance of the school with all the speed of someone who wanted to be  _ anywhere _ except here, and that was something he could  _ definitely  _ relate to.

Once they reached the stairs they split off into different directions, Ann walking upstairs for some reason and the Mystery Boy descending towards the entrance, giving him two options for where he could follow along, if he was even wanted. He paused for a moment, thoughts running through his head faster than they had before, eventually letting his feet carry him downwards with a small whispered apology upwards, “Sorry Ann, I need to find out who he is.”

Mystery Boy had almost walked through the front doors when Ryuji caught up to him, staring in disbelief at the hand on his shoulder and looking like he had half a mind to remove it,  _ violently. _ Ryuji let go quickly, holding his hands up in surrender and giving what he hoped was his most disarming grin, but he could tell right away that it was having the opposite effect than he had intended, a sallow scowl on Mystery’s face as he looked over Ryuji from head to toe, obviously looking for any hint of hostility or danger. Just  _ what _ had he been through before he came here?

“Hey… Mystery,” Ryuji started awkwardly, laughing to himself and rubbing the back of his neck, “Sorry for touchin’ you and everything, I just… wanted to say hi, you know?”

“Why?” Mystery said, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes, “This isn’t about the other day is it?”

“Well, yeah it kind of is!” Mystery was moving again before he’d noticed, making him stumble for a moment as he tried to catch up, “H-hey wait up! I just wanted to say thanks for everythin’, properly you know, you didn’t give me much of a chance.”

“I didn’t want to be thanked, it was a stupid thing and I’m tired of doing stupid things.” Mystery stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers and exhaling in a way that showed just how  _ tired _ he was more than words ever could. “My name’s Akira, so don’t call me Mystery again ok? And don’t try and be friends with me, there’s no way that it ends well.”

“Why not?” Ryuji asked, “I’m bein’ serious here, I just want to get a chance to know you, you’re like… different than everyone else here. And you… seem kind of lonely.”

“I’m alone, I’m not lonely,” Akira replied, shaking his head, “Just listen to me ok? Stop it with the friendship, don’t wave, don’t say hi, don’t… do anything. You want to do something actually nice for me? Pretend like I don’t exist, that’s more than anyone else does here, and if you did that you’d be doing the best thing anyone has in an entire year, understand?”

Ryuji was taken aback, not least because he seemed so different from how he had when he’d stepped in and saved his ass. Back then he’d been tough, self-assured, even  _ threatening, _ but now? Now he just seemed… desperate to be left alone, almost to the point of begging. Maybe on that they really weren’t that different.

“I… understand,” Ryuji said, wanting nothing more than to bite his tongue off for letting go of another chance to have something like a friend again, “You won’t hear from me again, I promise. I’ll pretend like we never even met.”

“Good,” Akira sighed with relief, something in his chest cracking before he forced it back down, “Well I’ve… gotta get going. Good luck with whatever it is that you have going on.”

And then he was gone, with a swiftness like he was outrunning something. Ryuji was fairly sure that it wasn’t him, but after the near dressing down that he’d just gotten? It was hard to feel like it wasn’t.

“Aww, having trouble making friends?” He tensed up at the voice, pain flaring up in his leg again and making him wish for the bottle more than  _ anything.  _ “You know you’ve got to work on making connections, no one likes hanging around with a loner you know? You’ll end up nothing more than a  _ loser.” _

He turned, staring up at the teacher with a mixture of genuine fear and hatred, and it was hard to tell which one was winning today.  _ “Kamoshida,”  _ He bit out with all the bile that he could summon, “Beat anyone up today?”

“Ohhhh of course not,” Kamoshida replied, rolling his eyes and smirking, knowing that no one was listening, “I do my utmost to prepare all my students for their lives outside these walls, no matter how… lowly-” He glanced down at Ryuji’s leg, grinning at his discomfort, before he looked up and stared at the entrance. “-Or how low they  _ should  _ be.”

Ryuji followed his eyes, and when he saw Ann near-sprinting out with obvious discomfort, it wasn’t hard to tell what was on Kamoshida’s mind. He had been wrong to doubt, hatred was  _ definitely  _ winning out today. “You’re fuckin’ sick.”

“You should try it sometime Sakamoto,” He said flippantly, turning around and walking back towards the school, “Maybe she’ll make you feel better, heard that she’s pretty good at that from some of the guy’s. Though you might be out of luck, she might have  _ some _ standards.”

“Piece of shit…” He muttered to himself, watching his back disappear through the doors again and clenching his fist tight, “Fuck.”

Ryuji turned away, heading towards the train station with anger in his fists and sadness in his chest. Today had been pretty rough, but he was starting to see that it was about time he got properly used to it.

 

Walking through the door it pained him to see his mother’s face light up seeing that he hadn’t been hit that day, while it killed him to still not want to involve her in everything. His mood was in the gutter, his hands were shaking, and his leg hadn’t stopped throbbing since that ill-fated conversation. So he sat back down on his bed, and with practiced hands that could have done it in their sleep by then, shook out four pills, tossed them back, and shuffled himself up onto the bed to get ready for another day tomorrow.

It was likely to be rough, depressing, and he was likely to be injured again, whether that be through his own stupidity, or through a former friend’s fist.

But that’s just how it goes, isn’t it?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Kamoshida.
> 
> Poor Ryuji, but he really has been dealing with a lot by the time you meet him hasn't he? Hopefully things get better for him soon...
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented last chapter, I get around eventually to replying but I want you to know that I read and adore every comment that I get <3


	3. It's Ok, You're Ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is [It's Ok, You're Ok](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akkLbD2KUbE) by Bonjr. It's a really pretty song, but it feels sad to me.

Walking away from the school, it was impossible not to feel his eyes upon her, but Ann kept her head forward and kept walking, slipping around whatever students were in her way and marching through to get as much ground between her and them as possible. Long after she’d stepped out of Kamoshida’s view she could still feel the eyes looking her up and down, some with desire, some with envy, all of them with some level of disgust, and that was only reinforced by the choice phrases they chose to describe her as she walked by.

Whore.

Slut.

Skank.

Bitch in heat.

A while ago those might have stung, maybe she would have even cried, now it barely sunk in a little more than the tip of a knife, she could keep walking purely because she knew that they hated her and nothing was ever going to change that, no matter what she did they weren’t going to change their minds about her and welcome her with open arms. So there was no point in taking their words to heart, she knew who she was, and she knew she wasn’t what they said she was, so everything was ok right?

So why then did her feet pivot her to the left, down the alleyway that had by now become so familiar to her, walking through and around bends and turns before she came upon the usual dumpster, hidden away from everything so completely that the area could barely be said to exist. She had no idea how they even got the trash out of there, the alley way far too narrow for a truck to fit down. 

Reaching into her bra, she pulled out the almost empty, crumpled up pack of cigarettes, tapping one out and pulling it free with her lips, flicking the lighter for a few moments before it finally caught and lit up the alley ever so slightly. Breathing in, she could feel the smoke weaving down her throat and sinking into her lungs, carcinogens burning away at the part of her that she wanted so desperately to kill, that niggling little part of her chest that still shook with grief and anger for every insult that was thrown her way, every message that was sent to her phone, every time one of the girls not-so-subtly dumped something in front of her and soiled her shoes, giving a half-hearted apology before laughing along with their friends.

She wanted to bury it deep, so deep that the devil wouldn’t even be able to find it, but she knew that wasn’t possible. So she smoked, and for a few minutes of every day, it made things just a little more tolerable.

Pulling out her phone, she hesitated for a moment before scrolling through to her messages, thumb shaking as she saw the latest three that Kamoshida had sent to her, not wanting to read them but forcing herself to, if for no other reason than proving to herself that she wasn’t weak.

**Kamoshida:** So when are you gonna decide to get more acquainted with me huh? You know you want to, I can see it when I walk past you.

**Kamoshida:** Come on, you’re gonna eventually, everyone knows it. Just get it over with.

**Kamoshida:** Everyone thinks we’ve already done it anyway, why not do it anyway?

Clenching her jaw, she forced herself not to tell him to just fuck off before she scrolled past his icon, past contacts that she hadn’t spoken with in years now, before she reached  _ hers, _ and for the first time that day she had a genuine smile on her face.

**Shiho:** Heeeey~ whered u go? Wanna meet up?

Ann pressed the phone to her chest, breathing out and exhaling a lungful of smoke with it, winding upwards until it disappeared into the sky. She could always be counted on, for as long as she knew, and it looked like that wasn’t changing anytime soon.

In some ways, that made her more lucky than others.

**Ann:** Just taking a breather, you know me :) I’d love to do something! Where do you want to meet?

She thought perhaps that sounded a touch too desperate, but if it was she didn’t care. She needed to see Shiho, needed to see  _ someone _ who cared at least, it had been too long with only garbage and venom, she wanted to feel something  _ nice.  _ When her phone chimed with another message she couldn’t help the little squeak she gave in response, and the smile on her face only grew when she read the reply.

**Shiho:** There’s a cute cafe that opened up! Tea cakes so gooood~

**Ann:** I’ll be there :) Thank you xx

She stamped out the cigarette beneath her heel, sniffing at her clothes and breathing a sigh of relief when they didn’t reek of smoke. When her phone chimed with another message she knew well enough that it wasn’t from Shiho, so rather than open it up and ruin her good mood she just opened a pack of gum and popped it in her mouth, tossing it into the dumpster and walking out, heading right where she normally headed left, wanting to take a longer route than usual.

Anything to extend these brief moments that she could find.

 

“Ann!” Shiho called, waving with a gentle smile from the booth she’d already picked out. She had a cup of coffee in front of her, obviously having been waiting here long enough to need one, but the look on her face when Ann stepped through the door betrayed no annoyance. She was just happy to see her friend again.

And if the way that Ann almost crushed her ribs when she wrapped her arms around her torso was any indication, the feeling was most definitely mutual.

“It’s been way too long since we hung outside of school,” Ann mumbled into her hair, not moving even as some of the other patrons gave them a strange look, “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Shiho said, patting her on the back and wrinkling her nose at the faint smell of smoke. When they pulled back and took a look at each other it was obvious that Shiho knew what she was up to, but she knew enough about everything not to question her on it. If she had to go through the same as her she’d likely do the same thing as well. “Come on, I ordered you a coffee before, hope you don’t mind.”

“You know how I like it, I trust you.” Ann slipped into the seat, groaning as she sank down into the plush leather and draped herself across the table, chin resting on the polished wood and propping her head up to look at Shiho. “Why haven’t we done this in so long?”

“I’ve been busy with practice, and you… well, you seemed like you wanted to be alone for a bit.” Shiho frowned, moving to take a sip of her coffee before she placed the cup down, reaching across the table and taking Ann’s hand in her own. “You… are ok though, aren’t you? You haven’t been… you know…”

“Hurting myself?” Ann chuckled, though there was definitely an edge to it, “No, no I haven’t. At least not... lately anyway…”

“You know you can talk to me right? It doesn’t matter how busy I am, I can always talk if you need-”

“I know, I know, but you don’t have to.” Ann smiled, too widely, squeezing Shiho’s hand back. “You’ve got your own stuff to deal with, it’s almost nationals right! You need to keep practicing, you want to be lead right?”

“Well, yeah but…” Shiho sighed, nodding in understanding, “Just talk to me if things get bad, please? Don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not shutting you out, I just wanted to be by myself for a bit, honest.” Ann attempted a smile, but they were getting more and more obviously fake. She came here to be distracted from everything, but she should have known that Shiho wouldn’t just let everything slide by, she was too good of a friend for that. This was rapidly turning in a direction that she did not want it to go, and that was far from the plan that she had been counting on. “Shiho let’s just… let’s just hang out, ok? Forget about everything else, let’s just focus on what’s happening now.”

She didn’t look like she wanted to leave it to lie just yet, but she knew when to stop pushing. They’d known each other for years after all, there were some things that you just learned about people; What was troubling them, how to fix it, when they could be pushed, when to stop. Right now it was obvious that she needed to stop, and much as it pained her to bite her tongue, she bit right down and nodded her head, drowning the words in her throat with another mouthful of coffee.

“Thank you,” Ann sighed, smiling tiredly up at the waitress who brought her coffee, “Marshmallows, you really do know me don’t you?”

“Yep, I know you like the back of my own hand.” Shiho held her arm up, wiggling her fingers from underneath the bandage wrapped from elbow to palm. “Oh, that’s… ignore that.”

“Where’d you get that?” Ann asked, taking a sip of her coffee and leaning forward, “Did something happen at practice?”

Shiho nodded quickly, too quickly, but she continued on before Ann could think about it too much. “I fell over trying to defend and I landed wrong, it was… stupid. Don’t worry it’ll all heal up soon.”

“Ok…” Ann knew that tone as well, but she also knew when to stop pushing. But right then in that moment, she wanted to do nothing except push. “You’d tell me if something was up right?”

“Of course I would.” Shiho smiled, flicking at her nose. “Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

“Pfft, alright  _ mom…” _

The buzzing of her phone broke her out of her small moment of peace, pausing midway through a sip before placing her cup down and staring blankly ahead, not bothering to hide it from Shiho. She would have seen it quickly enough to know that it was bothering her, though from the look on her face she’d clearly had no idea just how  _ much  _ it was. 

“Is… that  _ him?”  _ She asked, and how she knew that Ann had no idea. She was always more observant than people gave her credit for, and the rumors circling around school hadn’t exactly been contained. Nor had they been free of… details. “Is he trying to get you to do something?”

“Of course he is,” She replied, tone flat, “Why wouldn’t he? You’ve seen him coaching, you’ve seen how he acts. He can get away with  _ anything.” _

Shiho didn’t deny that, and that fact wasn’t lost on Ann. She hadn’t been exaggerating, it was incredibly likely that he really  _ could _ do just about anything and get away with it, that was just the kind of school it had turned into. How lucky for them that they ended up being caught in his wake.

“Have you thought about… telling anyone?” She asked, and with the look on her face she knew just how ridiculous it sounded., but she couldn’t just  _ not _ say it, “He can’t get away with it forever.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?” Ann’s voice was utterly defeated, not even a hint of anger in it anymore, just… exhaustion, “If I went to someone, who would believe me?”

“I believe you, and I’d go with you and back you up!”

“Sorry, I guess I spoke too soon,” She said with a bite to her voice, “I should have said who would believe  _ us.” _

Shiho was scrambling to think of something to say, but Ann just held her hand up, before dropping it onto her wrist and squeezing gently. “Just  _ let it go, _ ok? This isn’t your problem Shiho, and eventually it won’t be mine either, one way or another I guess.”

They finished their coffees in silence and tried to swallow a teacake, but with everything else that had gone on… it just didn’t sit right on their tongues. When they separated outside the cafe it was with a sense of bitterness, longing, all the things that they’d both become very familiar with lately. And though they tried to keep it to themselves, the source of their problem was very much the same man.

But Ann was right, there really was nothing to be done. Maybe that was why Shiho wanted to fight against it so badly, because she’d seen what was happening to Ann, and she didn’t want that for herself.

 

Ann pushed open the door to her apartment with her foot, not bothering to give a greeting as she knew there would be no answer. Not from the bedroom with its bed that had remained undisturbed for months, not from the bathroom where the only evidence of life was a few of her makeup products scattered around, almost having screamed at her caretaker over the phone when they decided it was in her best interest to have them placed somewhere orderly. She needed some kind of mess,  _ something _ that didn’t look like it came out of an Ikea catalogue, but even the mess was to be denied of her.

The apartment was spotless, almost gleaming in how immaculate everything was set out, so sparkling that it set her teeth on edge. As if she needed a reminder of how lived in it was  _ not. _

Dropping the bag of groceries next to the couch and pulling off her shirt, she stepped past turned down photo frames and pulled a loose tank top out from her bottom drawer and slipped it on, padding out to the kitchen and pouring herself one of the soda’s that her ‘Caretaker’ had left behind. They might be good at cleaning, and they might leave groceries behind so she never went hungry, but she wasn’t sure they were worth calling a caretaker in that case. That kind of required her to see them at least once.

Sliding the door open to the balcony, she threw herself down into the chair next to the railing and kicked her legs up, watching the light of the sun starting to die while she flicked her new lighter to test it out. Once the initial stiffness was gone and she could get a reliable flame she pulled out the pack of cigarettes, lighting up and leaning back as yellow turned to orange, turned to black, smoke swirling above her before drifting away on the wind.

Her phone buzzed again, and this time she forced herself to look at it, more than aware that Shiho wasn’t here to distract her anymore. Better to get it over with soon, before he started getting angry, that was always a joy to read through.

**Kamoshida:** I’ve been asking nicely, don’t make me tell you again.

**Kamoshida:** This is the only way you’ll get ahead, so come on.

**Kamoshida:** When are you coming over here?

She tightened her grip around her phone so severely that the screen flickered, almost biting through the filter on her cigarette with how hard she was clenching her jaw. Placing her glass down at her side, she leaned over her phone and tapped out a reply, fingers a blur as she poured out every ounce of frustration and disgust that she’d been holding onto for months.

**Ann:** I’m not coming over, and I’m never coming over you disgusting piece of shit! Stop trying to get with me, I’m so tired of being able to see what you’re thinking of me all the goddamn time, just stop staring at me, stop thinking about me, stop trying to make me FUCK YOU and FUCKING DIE you pathetic, vile ASSHOLE!!! 

Her finger hovered over the send key, tremoring with how much she wanted to press down, just wanting to have that satisfaction of standing up for herself and let herself be known to not take everything laying down. But then the sensible part of her won out, and she knew that it wouldn’t do any good. All it would do is piss him off more, and that would just be a new problem for her to have to deal with for however long this went on, and however this ended.

She moved her thumb over to the delete key, and with every tap she could feel that cracking building up in her chest again, and it was with a numb sense of inevitability that she tapped out a new reply and hit send, dropping her phone to the ground and staring ahead out at the stars.

**Ann:** Not yet.

For the hours that passed by, broken up by the occasional sound of a phone buzzing by her feet, all there was to be seen of her was a faint ember in the darkness, and eventually that was extinguished too, leaving only the cold and miserable dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay lol, I was too tired to edit, but here it is!   
> Man fuck Kamoshida, I had teachers who acted like he does (Thankfully they didn't do anything as bad as he does), so his section of the game really fucked with me.
> 
> With this chapter our three main characters have been properly introduced! Now the meat of the story can start :3 It's all good times here from now on, ignore those tags that's a prank.
> 
> (Also thank you to everyone commenting and giving kudos, it really makes me feel like there's some genuine interest in this little project of mine and I want you to know that I reread every comment when I'm feeling down <3)


	4. Back Against The Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters song is [Back Against The Wall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT4Y2JleWrQ) by Cage The Elephant!  
> (I've given up on trying so hard to make them relate fully, think of this more as just a soundtrack lmao)

Lettuce, egg, ham, normally these things sounded good together, but right now… Akira couldn’t really find a way to force it down into his stomach without feeling like he was going to puke all over himself. Just a normal Wednesday lunch, spent alone by the front of the school while trying to ignore everyone walking by and talking about him, never once noticing that he was there at all.

It’s amazing the sorts of things that people say about you when they think you’re not listening. Almost as venomous as the things they say when they _know_ you’re listening in.

But that wasn’t bothering him today, or at least not as much as it had been before, he had a different, more personal set of worries to sort out in the limited time that he had on lunch to go through. Chief among them being the splitting headache that he had pounding at his temples like they were knocking on the doors of a church begging for sanctuary, the latest symptom of what he wasn’t quite willing to admit was a growing drinking habit. He liked the drinking part of it, the forgetting, that was nice, but he had to say that he wasn’t much a fan of this little aspect of his vice. Especially not when it kept him from eating a perfectly good lettuce, egg and ham sandwich.

“This sucks,” He groaned, letting his head fall back and thump against the concrete wall, small shockwaves running along his skull until they tingled in his jaw. No one turned and paid him any mind, just the way that he’d preferred it of late. No words of worry, no squinted concern, no one coming up behind him with unwanted offers of friendship…

That last thought made him pause, why _had_ that boy come up and tried to be so friendly with him? Was it because he’d saved him from a beating? It clearly couldn’t have been, considering how far along they’d gotten with him before Akira stepped in. He’d completely forgotten that he was there until he was leaving, what about that could possibly indicate that he was worth having as a friend?

But he had to admit that when he’d gotten the offer, somewhere underneath all the suspicion and cynicism that he’d rightly built up about the people around him over the last year, part of him was… tempted, by the thought of friendship. Someone else to actually walk through this shitshow of a highschool life with him, that didn’t sound so bad, on some nights when the bottle was too empty or too full sometimes he went back to thoughts of people that he’d had back home, sneaking around town to skip class, or collapsing on the fields from too much running around. Thoughts like that came and went, and usually he liked to kill them right away, but when Ryuji had come up and given him that split second of yearning…

Akira had thought about that when he’d lifted the bottle to his lips that night, he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. But even now he was still more confused than ever by it.

“People here are fucking weird…” Pulling out his phone and scrolling through, it suddenly struck him just how barebones his life was. Only two contacts; Sojiro and Iwai, and Sojiro was hardly the socializing type. Neither was Iwai, but at least he’d sent messages over the last few days about lessons that were needed or when a potential first order could be coming in. It was better than just showing up at what was supposed to be his home and being forced to work for another three hours when he just wanted to curl up in bed and scream.

Staring down at his sandwich, Akira gave half a thought to just tossing it in the trash and walking back to class, but he wasn’t stupid enough to think that he didn’t need it. He hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and he wasn’t blind to what his plans were going to be for that night, so he needed all the food in his stomach that he could get if he didn’t want to accidentally kill himself. So with labored bites and a dry throat, he swallowed down the sandwich little by little and tried to find some level of enjoyment in the process. There was none to be found.

While he sat stewing in his own misery, Shiho stepped out of the front doors and stretched her arms above her head, looking up and grunting as the muscles in her back popped into place.

After a moment to look up into the sky and watch the birds flying by with a smile, she turned around to head back inside before she caught sight of just the faintest shock of messy hair, glancing around the corner to see the school-famous delinquent himself choking down what must have been the world’s most unpleasant sandwich from the look on his face.

“Um…” She started, waving awkwardly as he looked up, “Hello.”

He blinked, slowly, like he’d just made first contact with an alien. Exactly what about him was so compelling that people just couldn’t help but come up and bother him lately? Was there a big neon sign above his head, or could they just sense misfortune like sharks do blood?

“Hey,” He finally answered back, still staring up at her with the narrow eyed look as if expecting her to attack, “What do you want?”

“Oh I…” _Don’t know what I want actually_ “Would you mind if I sat down? It’s been pretty busy lately, I haven’t really gotten a chance to relax.”

“Sure, you can sit if you want, but…” He looked around, the rest of the little corner he was in more or less empty. “There’s plenty of places to sit, you don’t have to ask me?”

“Alright, thank you!” She stepped forward, brushing her skirt closer before taking her seat next to him, very much aware of the dumbfounded expression that was spread across his face. So far he hadn’t seemed anywhere near as bad as people were saying, so she was going to get the full story whether he liked it or not. “Why are you sitting out here?”

“Uhh… there’s not many people here usually? I think it’s probably better for everyone that way.”

“True… but don’t you want to… I don’t know, talk to anyone sometimes? It’s pretty lonely having no one to talk to with all these classes, there’s got to be someone.”

“Nope, no one. And I’m happy that way.” The lie was obvious, especially to him, but they were both content to leave that be for the moment. “How about you? You’ve probably got tons of people to talk to, why talk to _me?”_

Shiho placed her thumb on her chin, humming to herself even though she’d known the answer since she’d sat down in the first place. “You seemed like you could use it, and I felt kind of bad for not talking to you sooner. I’ve seen you walking around the halls every now and then, it’s pretty impressive seeing everyone clearing out.”

“Well, what do you think?” He asked, presenting himself with a small flourish, “Do I live up to the reputation of a juvenile Charles Manson?”

“Hmm… not really?” She giggled, feeling some of the tension leeching away, “Maybe like a… scary teddy bear, or something like that.”

“Oh a teddy bear? Really?” Akira laughed, for the first time in what felt like ages, “Great, I should tell that to the courts, they’ll probably put that on my official record.”

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” She asked, leaning closer and keeping her voice low, “What did you actually do? Clearly it’s not as bad as everyone else is saying.”

“I did something stupid, that I should have just stayed away from, and that’s about all I want to say about it.” The sandwich didn’t taste quite as bad anymore, but there was still that sense of disappointment when he finally finished it. “Don’t take it the wrong way, I just don’t want to think about it. And honestly if you had any sense you’d just walk away now and forget all about me, what would your friends say if they saw you here?”

Leaning back against the wall and twiddling her thumbs on her lap, Shiho laughed, “They’d probably think that you’re trying to blackmail me into something, maybe you’re trying to take my lunch money.” She covered her mouth, bowing her head towards him. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t be laughing about that!”

“It’s alright, I laugh too sometimes.” He smirked, stretching himself out and asking, “So… do you have any lunch money?”

Anyone walking by just heard two people laughing and thought nothing of it, little did they know that a mismatched pair like Akira and Shiho were finally finding some common ground, or at least allowing themselves to not be afraid of what could happen. For someone who had gone so long without it, Akira had to admit… it was pretty nice.

“So how are you settling in?” Shiho asked, watching a small group of her friends walking by unaware of their presence.

“Oh my god, did you see the delinquent before?” One of them asked the others, muffled as though she was speaking from behind her hand, “He looked like he was trying to get into a fight, who do you think is the unlucky victim?”

“I heard that he likes to do a lot more than just fight people, have you heard the rumors about what him and Takamaki are up to…”

The voices trailed off as the group walked into the school, leaving behind an increasingly guilty Shiho and an otherwise unphased Akira. With a small scoff and a flick of his thumb over his shoulder, he drawled, “That’s how I’m settling in.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiho said, “I’ll… talk to them soon, they shouldn’t be talking about you that way.”

“They shouldn’t be, but they do, and they will, so don’t jeopardize yourself on my account. You look like you’re probably a good student right? Good friends, good grades?”

She nodded, somewhat embarrassed at being read so simply. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“So just focus on that, focus on _you._ I can take care of myself, I have so far.”

“If you say so…” They lapsed into silence, the recent interruption taking the wind out of their sails somewhat. It had been nice while it lasted, but it was just something that Akira had gotten used to, and something that Shiho didn’t really want to accept. “Hey… have you met Ann before?”

“Considering we’re in the same class?” Akira said, leaning his head back against the wall, “Yeah I’ve seen her once or twice.”

“Have you ever thought about talking to her?”

“From what I’ve seen her rep is even worse than mine right now, you heard those girls before, they already think I’m doing God knows what to her, what do you think’ll happen if they _actually_ see us talking?”

“It might turn out better?” She suggested, somewhat feebly, before falling back to what she’d been thinking about since she saw him, “I just think that both of you could use a friend right now, and you’re both in the same boat so… I don’t know, can you at least think about it? She’s having a really rough time with everything and… I can’t always be there when she needs me, but if she had another friend… maybe things would get better.”

It was tempting to just refuse straight up, and he opened his mouth to do so, but before he could they were interrupted with a clearing of a throat, momentarily casting them in shadow as they looked up to see the PE teacher staring down at them disapprovingly. “Lunch is almost over you two, so you should probably get going to where you need to be next, don’t you think? Shiho, I’m expecting to see you giving more effort in practice next, that’s not going to happen if you sit around talking to delinquents all day.”

She wanted to defend Akira, much to her surprise given that they’d just met, and far as she could tell he _was_ a delinquent, but the barest brush of a finger against her forearm and a shaking of his head convinced her to remain silent, nodding and getting to her feet after brushing off her skirt.

Akira meanwhile had been watching Kamoshida intently, and while he was staring down at him with something approaching _intense_ disgust, when Shiho stood… Akira recognized something _else_ lighting up behind his eyes, the same look that some of his friends had gotten back home when they’d found a dirty magazine for the first time. He didn’t know much about the responsibilities of a teacher, but he _did_ know that they weren’t supposed to be staring at their student’s legs with outright _lust._

Shiho knew, of course she knew, but rather than challenge it she kept her head low and tried to ignore it, already walking past the two of them before she stopped in her tracks and looked back. “Seriously, just think about it, ok?” She said to Akira, departing with one of the sweetest smiles that he could remember ever seeing. The sight alone left him speechless for a moment, long enough for both teacher and student to depart and leave him alone once more. And once he realized that fact, he came to recognize very quickly that this time he wasn’t just _alone…_ he was _lonely._

“Ah, goddammit…” He muttered, scratching at the back of his neck and thumping the heel of his shoe into the ground. “Fine, if that’s what I’ve got to do, _fine.”_

He stood, barreling over a student when he stormed in through the front doors on his search for where Ann could be, both of them grunting and scrambling to recover from the impact. The other student thudded to the ground in front of the school store, and though the woman in charge hadn’t exactly looked over in concern, the impact was definitely enough to turn her head. Akira might not be the biggest fan of the other students here, but he wasn’t an _asshole,_ at least not to that extent, so he knelt down by their side and extended his hand. “Hey, I’m sorry about that…”

“Ah, don’t worry about it dude,” Ryuji said, turning over to let a surprised Akira see that his face was unmarked, “See? Still beautiful, don’t mind me.”

Akira hadn’t been expecting to see him so soon, much less so… strangely happy, but he kept his hand extended nonetheless, waiting until Ryuji finally got the message and grabbed hold, tugging them both up to their feet and looking him over. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Ryuji laughed, looking away from him. “Don’t worry about it, I told you. ‘Sides, I’m in better shape than the first time you met me right?” Patting him on the shoulder, he stepped aside and moved to walk past Akira. “I remember what you said yesterday, I’ll just… forget about all this, sound good?”

“Yeah…” Akira heard him walk four steps, before he sighed and raised his voice, “Wait!”

“Hmm?” Ryuji stopped, turning his head back towards him. “What’s up?”

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Akira growled angrily, not so much at Ryuji but more at going back on himself so readily, like he’d never really even trusted himself that much to begin with. Ryuji wasn’t exactly privy to his inner thoughts, taking a step back as Akira walked forward, before clapping his hand down on his shoulder. “Do you… wanna hang out, or something, sometime?”

For a moment Ryuji was too stunned to answer, but when he did it was with another dose of confusion. “I thought you didn’t want to hang out at all? You had a whole speech about it yesterday.”

“Yeah but… fuck it.” Akira shrugged. “And I want to get a burger or something tonight before I go to work, I’m not gonna be one of those losers who eats a meal all by themself in the corner.” _Ignoring that you’ve been doing exactly that for the last year._

“I… yeah, yeah!” Ryuji’s eyes lit up, teeth shining as he grinned and nodded his head so rapidly that it must have shook his brain. “I haven’t got anything going on, so yeah that’d be sweet! I’ll… wait out front after school?”

“Sounds good,” Akira replied, nodding and throwing up a lazy thumbs up, “Look I’ve got something else to take care of right now, so I’m gonna…”

“Yeah yeah yeah you go do that man, don’t let me stop you!” Ryuji backed away, saluting and walking away with a bounce in his step. “I’ll be waiting out here, for you know, friendship burgers.”

Akira couldn’t help the snort that he let out as he climbed the stairs, heading towards the roof where he just knew the other one was supposed to be. Even if this didn’t work out, at least he could still get a burger with one of the other school weirdo’s, that didn’t seem like such a bad deal considering everything else that had been happening lately.

“There’s coupons for three person meals though,” He said to himself, smirking as he paused in front of the roof entrance, “Let’s hope this works.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he saw the roof, but somehow he knew that it was _exactly_ what he’d been thinking of all along, giant HVAC units taking up most of the space while a few desks and chairs were littered around carelessly, leaving only a small space with railings overlooking the front and back of the school. It was when he looked at the back railing that he saw her, smoke trailing up from her fingertips, hair blowing in the breeze, shoulders set with such tense annoyance that he could sense it from all the way over at the door without having to see her face. Yep, that was definitely the same Ann that he sat in class with alright.

Wordlessly, he walked up and joined her at the railing, leaning forward and resting his elbows against the metal as he stared out over the back alleyways that comprised the majority of the scenery behind their fair school.

“You know there’s a massage parlor about three minutes that way apparently,” He said, pointing ahead of them in the direction of where she normally went to smoke, “A friend of mine told me that they’ve been written up for ‘extra service’, but they’re still open. I wonder how they got out of that?”

He hadn’t known what he was going to say when he saw her, but an icebreaker from Iwai seemed like a decent enough start. It beat anything else that he could come up with. Looking over at her when she didn’t respond, he was surprised to see her staring at him with a cigarette between her teeth, eyebrow cocked in question at what he was doing _here,_ in _her_ space.

“Mind if I have one?” He asked, holding out his index and middle finger towards her, “You know you can tell me to fuck off if you really don’t want me here.”

“And would you actually listen to me?” She replied, tapping out a cigarette and holding the pack out for him. He slipped it out, accepting the light that she offered and breathing in happily.

“Maybe,” He said, “Or maybe I’d just stick around and keep annoying you. Apparently I’m pretty good at that.”

She didn’t reply, and he was in no real hurry to get her to. This was her time that he was intruding on after all, it would be impolite to dictate how she spends it from here. But after five minutes of standing in silence aside from the occasional exhale of smoke, he realized that perhaps it was about time that he got to talking. “I spoke to Shiho before, she’s your friend right?”

Ann froze, staring at him with a mixture of uncertainty and anger. She knew that the rumors about him were most likely just that, rumors, same as her, but what if? “What did you talk about?”

“Me, you, she’s actually kind of nosy isn’t she?” He laughed, watching his fingers as he twirled the cigarette between each digit, careful not to let the ember touch his skin, “Pretty nice though, she actually made me laugh for once. Made it sound like we could both use a friend too, which I thought was maybe a little presumptuous.”

“You don’t think you want friends?”

“No, I’m not sure if _you_ want friends, I only just figured out that I do about ten minutes ago.”

Ann turned, letting her back rest against the railing as she thought over what she was going to say next. For an isolated chat with what was by all rumor in the school a dangerous criminal, she had to admit that the conversation was actually better than she’d been expecting. Short on answers and heavy on questions, but better nevertheless. “Did you decide that you want to be friends with me?”

“I wasn’t thinking about it at first, but she was pretty persuasive.”

“So what made you change your mind? Was it her?” She narrowed her eyes. “Or did you hear one of the rumors?”

“Only rumors I hear are about me,” He laughed, “Apparently I already did something bad to you but… ah, nevermind, I’m not here because of any of that.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because the more I think about it, the more that we’re alike, you know? I’ve only been here about a week, and it’s sucked the entire time, I can only imagine how _you’ve_ been dealing with it. I figure that if we hang out, you know, it might get a little easier to get through the day, that’s all.”

She huffed out a laugh, “That’s the first time someone’s come up and offered to be ‘friends’ without mentioning my tits.”

“Haven’t even noticed them,” Akira lied, “Unless that’s insulting, in which case I’ve been staring at them the whole time.”

Leaning back and laughing, Ann fished out another two cigarettes from the pack, lighting them up and passing one to him, an offer that was easily taken up. They stood watching the clouds slip across the sky, aware that class had already started but not caring that much, the class and their minds would be better off for their absence. For now, just in the simple act of sharing something as casual as this, a cigarette on the roof of the school that they’d both come to hate so much, it felt like they were reaching an understanding of sorts, like a connection was being bridged that the both of them could easily feel filling something inside of them.

He didn’t know about her, but Akira definitely wanted to see how things could go. It was about time that he got a pleasant surprise for once.

“You wanna hang out tonight?” He asked, blowing smoke out the side of his lips and flicking his cigarette off the side of the roof, “I’m hanging out with this other guy tonight too, but I think he knows what it’s like for us. I think it could be pretty cool…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm gonna switch to fortnightly updates, keeps the pressure off, especially since I'm working on a zine now! Still going to be working on this as much as I can however, I really love writing this :3
> 
> Comments are much appreciated!  
> Also follow me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/AssidoMina)


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